Marriage & Name Changes

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Marriage & Name Changes

Postby jessiegrrrl on Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:38 pm

Sorry if there was a thread on this already, but I did search first.

Just wanted to hear some opinions / experiences. Thought it'd be an interesting discussion. Not planning on getting married anytime soon, if at all. However, I got into a debate with someone recently about the issue of taking a man's last name when you marry him. I realize some people hyphenate, don't do it at all, hyphenate just the kids', feel good about being part of his family and taking his name, would never in a million years do it, think it's sick to say Mrs. Man's First Name Man's Last Name, or take pleasure in being able to call themselves by their husbands' name, etc. etc. etc. Some say it's a control/ownership thing, some say it isn't about that at all...

I've also gotten some male opinions on this which so far have been... I'd love for my wife to take my name and I'd be a little hurt if she didn't want to. I want my wife to make the decision about her own identity. I would/would not hyphenate with my wife's last name, etc. etc. etc.

Personally, I like my boyfriend's last name better than my own so if I married him, I'd seriously consider taking it! Ha. Great reasoning, right? Whatever, he has a cool last name.

However, I do struggle with letting go of what has always been uniquely my name. Our names would sound absurd if we hyphenated, so that's out! I always said I'd never do it, but after thought and conversations with people, I'm unsure about what I'd do if the time came.

I'm interested to hear what the ladies and gents on here have done / would do / think about the topic?
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby no_poeticdevice on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:27 pm

when i got married I took my husbands name without question. As a kid I would always say Mrs. _____ (whatever my crush was at the moment) so I just knew I'd take his name. Its not a control thing for me or him...I just liked that tradition.

Personally I HATE when people hyphenate their names. Its just annoying.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Ms. Fairlane on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:36 pm

I won't change my name, I mean it is MY NAME and I like it. For others, whatever they want to do is cool.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby emmalynn on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:37 pm

Unless my future husband has a perfectly awful last name, I'd definitely want to take his name as mine.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby jessiegrrrl on Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:39 pm

I like the tradition aspect of doing it as well, but at the same time I also feel the attachment to MY name! Such a dilemma. Maybe I'll never get married and therefore never have to think about it!

I think everyone should do whatever feels right for them, obviously.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Jezibelle on Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:00 pm

When I was married I kept my own name. I think it was a combo of me being the last person able to pass my family name on and the fact that I really hated his last name. He was really hurt by it, said that I was not changing my name just because I hated his mother and wanted to be a bitch. Big shocker we aren't together anymore... :wink:
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Allison Laura on Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:13 pm

i would take his name. i really dont like my last name and i really like my boyfriends last name so if hes the one i marry that would be pretty cool.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Buddenstocks on Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:39 pm

Legally, my name will always be Kocian-whateverhisnameis. But I think that with friends and among family or whatever, I'd go by just his last name. I'm one of those people that...while I love the idea of taking a man's last name as it's a nice tradition and cements a relationship, I am amazingly proud of my last name as it is. My grandpap is the main reason I would never dream of changing it - he worked so hard to become a Kocian (his adoptive father's name) that I feel like it would be disrespectful to throw it away. Plus, I'm the only girl (granddaughter) on this side of my family and I feel like I don't want it to die out through me.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Kristen on Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:40 pm

I've thought about hyphenating it, and I'm thinking that's what I'm going to end up doing.
Either that, or I'm going to keep my last name, but also take his... so it's like I have two middle names... or two last names, lol.
But either way, if I get it hyphenated or not, I'm going to go by his last.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby shotgun_solution on Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:55 pm

I changed my last name because my old one was longer and people had difficulty understanding it..my new name is so much simpler. I wasn't thinking about the "tradition" or anything, plus I when I was growing up, I knew a couple who the woman didn't change her last name and I was always confused as a kid. I didn't want that, even if it was simple childish ignorance on my part.
...and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby lilpixie17 on Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:16 pm

When I was married, I took his name. When we got a divorce, and I took my name back, I realized how much my name means to me. My BF and I have talked about getting married and I have told him upfront that no matter what I will keep my name. As a comprise, we agreed to hyphenate it.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby bettie13 on Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:12 pm

When I got married I took his last name, but i get to be Mrs. Barbey so that's kinda cool. 8)
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby Prettygrimm on Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:21 pm

when i was married he took MY name. :lol:
i sure as shit hope he changes it back once the divorce is final.
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby SuperNovaHellCat on Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:46 pm

Prettygrimm wrote:when i was married he took MY name. :lol:
i sure as shit hope he changes it back once the divorce is final.



What a puss. Good luck with that divorce!
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Re: Marriage & Name Changes

Postby tague on Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:32 am

i loathe my middlename. so in the event that i ever marry i'm ditching it and making tague my middle name and taking his last.
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